SELF LOVE & APPRECIATION
"I wished I had her long legs", "I wished I was as skinny as her", "I wished I looked like her".
These are thoughts that have come to the mind of every woman in the world at some point in her life, and in some cases it's an everyday occurance. However, we rarely give it any significant importance, we allow these thoughts to enter our mind for a few seconds.... and then, they just banish. At some point in your life you have compared yourself to others, not only physically but also in other aspects of life. "She got better grades than me, am I good enough?" "She seems more happy than me, am I doing something wrong?" We all think comparing ourselves to others is ingrained in our nature, it's natural for us humans to compare ourselves to others, however these thoughts are not just instinctive, they have been inflicted on us. Comparison and thoughts of inferiority have been constructed by many years of social exposure.
Healthy comparisons are vital in order to improve and progress in life, if we don't have someone to look up to as a role model, a guideline, we wouldn't want to improve and become better. However when those thoughts become degrading and corrupting, it's ineffectual.
Sara Sampaio is a Portuguese model known for her work as a Victoria's Secret angel, Armani´s beauty ambassador or her work alongside Tommy Hilfiger. Recently she released a video on the new video-sharing social platform, TikTok, which had over 1.1 Million reproductions and over 45,7 M on instagram. She emphasised the importance of self love & appreciation, and the necessity of being kind to oneself. She did that by showing the truth about her body and how not everything is as it seems.
We rarely stop to think if we are happy, if we are pleased with who we are, if we have become the person we would like to be.
Love and appreciation for oneself is key, and not only in order to reach a healthy emotional well being state, but when you are at peace with yourself it motivates you to make healthy choices that nurture your well-being. So why do we keep comparing ourselves to each other? Social media has become part of our daily lives more than we would like to admit, in some cases for longer than we can remember. We are exposed to a great deal of information every day, from emails to magazines, to Tv to social media.
Our daily exposure to that information shapes our values, thoughts and beliefs, not only about society, but about ourselves. This has always been clear; society shapes the individuals in it. The norms of that society also change over time, thus, making people transition with it.
Certain expectations & standards have always been the responsibility of those who want to be integrated into certain societies. What life we should desire, what size we should be, what beliefs we should value.... But who dictates those expectations?
The media, magazines & social media shape our expectations about our bodies and our relationships. The intake of certain content, especially visual information from social media, transforms and shapes our apparent "needs". Everyday we consume hundreds of images showing a masked reality.
Because of the deception being implemented as the "norm", there is no room for anything else without being judged. Detaching oneself in any way from what's considered appropriate, will resume in thoughts of self neglect and mischief. Negative body image is strongly correlated with idealised images in the mass media, when you perceive that your body fails to meet the ideal standard, negative feelings of dissatisfaction emerge. The perception we have of ourselves is strongly based on our tendency to compare our own attributes to those of others, and when the characteristic being compared is something physical, the potential for unhealthy severe comparison increases.
Haven't you ever seen something on social media that made you feel bad about yourself? It can encompass not only distressing feelings about your physical attributes, but intangible attributes such as your behaviour and relationships.
Because of what we daily consume, we shape our reality based on what we see. The images posted on social media rarely demonstrate transparency, thus creating false expectations. When false expectations are implemented and established as a normality, it creates a sense of insecurity and vulnerability. Body comparison, shame and embarrassment has increased considerably over the years, when seeing photographs of beautiful skinny women, which are desired not only by men, but by society, when you look in the mirror, you see less. That derives in constant comparison.
This becomes dreadful as comparison is not only made with the typical stereotype of a beautiful woman, but with everyday persons around you.
Thus, when Sara Sampaio released a video showing body transparency, it showed how everything that encompasses comparison due to the media, it's just inaccurate and unreal, we are the ones who feed back.
Self love & appreciation means distinct things for each individual, the spectrum of representations is endless. It's crucial for us that we hold ourselves in high esteem, therefore creating an aura of improvement and recognition.
However, when self perception is based on perfectionism it becomes an utopia. Reaching perfectionism is impossible, that's what makes us humans. We shouldn't try to become the person we most admire, but with that guideline, become the better version of ourselves that we could be. If at some point in life someone asked you what does self love mean to you, what did you answer? Would you give the same answer now as back then?It's not only normal but vital that our perception and idea of self love fluctuates.
Perception of our values, thoughts and beliefs change through time as we become more aware of who we want to become.
Our experiences in life also shape our perception of self love and appreciation, thus the concept of self love is different for each person.
The question What does self love mean to you? was asked to different persons:
"When you don't rely on external factors, to be well with oneself without the need to compare to others" (Andrea Colomer, 21 years)
"It encompasses many things, respecting oneself, for example, seems to me to be very important. Respecting oneself would be the cornerstone" (Borja Molina,26 years)
"Demand of yourself according to your beliefs and values" (Tomas Tarruella, 56 years)
"Don't letting unimportant, superficial things make you feel bad" (Leonor Bordas, 84years)
Our perception of ourselves is shaped through distinct factors, which fluctuate over time.
Self love and appreciation are based on which perception we have of ourselves, thus when that impression is positive, we don't have the need to compare ourselves to others. Healthy comparisons are positive when pessimistic feelings don't arise about ourselves. It's constructive to compare ourselves in a healthy way with our role models in order to become the better version of us that we could be. However, we must keep in mind that we are who we are, without the need of becoming someone else to be happy.
Awareness of self recognition, appreciation and acceptance is vital to accept our flaws and instead of feeling ashamed of them, turn them into virtudes and what makes us unique.
So simple but so difficult at the same time, as the mass media and society dont help this progress, even ourselves.
In the end we are full of limiting beliefs that don't let us be who we really are, they don't let us love and accept ourselves as we should. In the end, the differences in perception are aligned with your values and experiences.
We are the ones that stand between being free of those dreary thoughts, beliefs and feelings, because sometimes, the alternative is easier.
- Georgina Tarruella de Abadal